There's nothing undignified about lying about all day and being waited on by servants, sipping bloody champagne.

I have stood in a bar in Lambourn and been offered, in the space of five minutes, a poached salmon, a leg of a horse, a free trip to Chantilly, marriage, a large unsolicited loan, ten tips for a ten-horse race, two second-hand cars, a fight, and the copyright to a dying jockey's life story.

Oh, the self-importance of fading stars. Never mind, they will be black holes one day.

I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn't diagnose a decapitation.

The more necessary it becomes to stop drinking, the more impossible it becomes to stop.

My misdeeds are accidental happenings and merely the result of having been in the wrong bar or bed at the wrong time, say most days between midday and midnight.

Although I have to admit I have despised a couple of people simply because they have never had a job in their lives.