There's nothing undignified about lying about all day and being waited on by servants, sipping bloody champagne.

You never see a pretty, unattached girl on a racecourse. But you often see positive gangs of rather unpretty ones. They are the owners or the owners' wives and they wear mink in all weathers and far too much make-up. For some odd reason, I can never work out why they always seem to be married to haulage contractors in the North, builders in the South and farmers in the West.

But you've got to have money for comfort, which obviously doesn't matter as much when you're young, but even so. I always like to bloody eat well and be warm. Have a drink when I want it.

In most betting shops you will see three windows marked 'Bet Here', but only one window with the legend 'Pay Out'.

Oh, the self-importance of fading stars. Never mind, they will be black holes one day.

When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate.

There's nothing undignified about lying about all day and being waited on by servants, sipping bloody champagne.