Oh, to me not drinking is like being dead, almost. I sit here taking endless journeys down memory lane. It gets boring.

There's nothing undignified about lying about all day and being waited on by servants, sipping bloody champagne.

My misdeeds are accidental happenings and merely the result of having been in the wrong bar or bed at the wrong time, say most days between midday and midnight.

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.

A lot of girls annoy me who go to university - one girl told me she was going to Oxford because it was something to do between leaving school and getting married. And I've got to pay for that being an income tax payer.

They smoke cigarettes professionally. The smoke is inhaled very sharply and the teeth are bared.Then the head turns to give you a profile and the smoke is exhaled slowly and deliberately and the grey jet stream becomes a beautiful blue cloud of smoke.What are they trying to tell us?

Oh, the self-importance of fading stars. Never mind, they will be black holes one day.