The only reason I would have liked to have gone to university is because I like cricket. Not a very good reason to want to go, but as good as any, I suppose.

Although I have to admit I have despised a couple of people simply because they have never had a job in their lives.

I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn't diagnose a decapitation.

I have stood in a bar in Lambourn and been offered, in the space of five minutes, a poached salmon, a leg of a horse, a free trip to Chantilly, marriage, a large unsolicited loan, ten tips for a ten-horse race, two second-hand cars, a fight, and the copyright to a dying jockey's life story.

I don't remember ever being full of dislike and hatred for people, like some kids I've come across now.

I enjoy doing nothing.

Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends'.