Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped.

No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.

And I'll tell ya, I'm really enjoying this marriage thing. You think about each other. You care about each other. It's wonderful! Plus, I love saying 'my wife.' Once I started saying it, I couldn't stop - 'my wife' this, 'my wife' that...it's an amazing way to begin a sentence.

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.

The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.

You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.