Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

You can measure distance by time. 'How far away is it?' 'Oh about 20 minutes.' But it doesn't work the other way. 'When do you get off work?' 'Around 3 miles.'