I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped.

I like to try anything... You have to do the experiments to find out what the formulas are.

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.

If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

We got the hot fudge on the bottom.... that allows you to control the fudge distribution while you're eating your ice cream.