What we call the wisdom that comes with age is usually simple caution.

That's really what the mall is all about: money. At the mall the rule is: Credito, ergo sum - I shop, therefore I am.

My Macbook is my new boyfriend, except that he's dependable and meets all my demands.

Screw us once, shame on them; screw us twice, shame on us.

One of the advantages of having an imaginary boyfriend is that he exists only for you, therefore he can not be stolen. The disadvantage is that you can not introduce him to your friends.

Greasy food might not be good for your body, but it does wonders for the soul. A healthy diet may prolong your life, but what would you have to live for? What is the point of living to a hundred if you have to subsist on bland food? One may as well die of boredom.

We often reward mediocrity because it is comforting. If they can do it, anyone can do it.