Laugh whenever you can. Keeps you from killing yourself when things are bad. That and vodka.

If I need you I'll give you a signal.' What signal?" I'll imitate the scream of a terrified little girl

Thank God for wisecracks.

My hair had grown out long and shaggy—not in that sexy-young-rock-star kind of way but in that time-to-take-Rover-to-the-groomer kind of way.

Got to die of something," Giraldi observed. "Might as well put back a few pints while you wait to see what it is.

The fire of my tribulations had not simply been pain to be endured. It had been an agent of transformation. After all that I'd been through, I'd changed. Not for the worse, I was pretty sure--at least not yet. But only a moron or a freaking lunatic could have faced the things I had and remained unfazed by them.

I felt like I had just double-tapped Santa.