Humor is not debatable. It's like sex. Either you're aroused or you're not. Nobody can reason you around to their point of view.

Compassion is the currency that leads to true wealth.

I don't feel any pressure to be funny at all. I'm funny because I want to be funny. I could sit here and be serious for an hour and you would go away and make me much funnier than I am.

I really believe in the philosophy that you create your own universe. I'm just trying to create a good one for myself.

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.

What’s yours? How will you serve the world? What do they need that your talent can provide? That’s all you have to figure out.

Like most Catholic boys, I wanted to be Jesus Christ. I could never get the turn-the-other-cheek thing down, though.