Humor is not debatable. It's like sex. Either you're aroused or you're not. Nobody can reason you around to their point of view.

Comedy started out as my hobby and then it became my profession. It's like being on call all the time, like having a built-in beeper. You can't just leave the office and relax because you never know when you'll think of something funny.

I tend to stay up late, not because I'm partying but because it's the only time of the day when I'm alone and don't have to be on, performing.

Ultimately, we’re not the avatars we create. We’re not the pictures on the film stock. We are the light that shines through it. All else is just smoke and mirrors. Distracting, but not truly compelling.

For the most sensitive among us the noise can be too much.

One man's toxic waste is another man's potpourri.

My psychiatrist says I have a messiah complex. But I forgave him.