Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

I wrote myself a check for ten million dollars for acting services rendered and dated it Thanksgiving 1995. I put it in my wallet and it deteriorated. And then, just before Thanksgiving 1995, I found out I was going to make ten million dollars for Dumb & Dumber. I put that check in the casket with my father because it was our dream together.

My life is not unlike Truman's. I can't go anywhere.

My report card always said, 'Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students'.

Everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart, and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart.

Dry land is not a myth. I've seen it. Kevin Costner. Waterworld. I don't know what the big fuss is about. I saw that movie nine times. It rules!

I don't believe in bad people. I believe that people, somewhere inside, have the potential to realize themselves.