Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises.

Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises.

Stand-up is just me trying to be as funny as possible in the most concentrated hour with me standing on stage with no storyline, no plot line, and no character development.

Every comedian is just doing the comedy they find funny. This is me and it's not clean in any way. I could get a lot more work on TV playing clean but it's never interesting.

The thing about crazy people; they don't know they are crazy, that's what make them crazy.

I'm not scared of dying, because I'm an atheist. I won't even know I'm dead. You know why? Because I'll be fùckin' dead.

I don't think I've ever prayed in my entire life, never sat and had an imaginary chat with God.