I don't think I've ever prayed in my entire life, never sat and had an imaginary chat with God.

Myself and Jamie Moffat did not agree on everything but he always knew I had the experience.

I don't write my standup on paper or anything; but I just organically do it on stage, have an idea, chat it up a little bit. I'm keeping notes. I'm trying to keep up with this world and try to bring out a special every year.

God built the world, but he did not know it was round.

I think only things that are personal to us offend us. It's always bizarre when people who would normally laugh at an AIDS joke won't laugh at a cancer joke, but far more people know somebody who's died from cancer.

No matter how successful I got, my mother still thinks I'm a bad person, basically.

I don't think I've ever prayed in my entire life, never sat and had an imaginary chat with God.