I'd be nothing without my wife. She's the coolest. She's the greatest. She is the smartest. She's the funniest. I love her so much. She's like the - it's like your best friend for the rest of your life.

Tomorrow President Obama will host NASCAR racing champion Kevin Harvick at the White House. They both said they look forward to spending an hour or two not having the slightest interest in what the other is saying.

Officials from the soccer organization FIFA, which decides which cities get to host the World Cup, are accused of accepting bribes when making their decision. Of course the toughest part for the soccer officials was taking bribes without using their hands.

Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all.

Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.

An Internet rumor claims that John Kerry had an affair with a young woman. When asked if this was similar to the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, a spokesman said 'Close, but no cigar.'

The U.S. is re-establishing relations with Cuba. But before President Obama can lift the embargo, it will need approval from the Republican-controlled Congress - or as Republicans who called Obama said, 'Close, but no cigar.'