Probably the best thing that happened to me was going nuts. Nobody knew who I was until that happened.

... I want the world to know that people like me who have returned from the half-world of mental oblivion are not forever contaminated. We have been sick.

I didn't get hurt in the contest. I hurt it the next day.

I feel great. I had a triple bypass in 1976 and a quadruple bypass in 1984.

Nutrition makes me puke.

I asked my doctor how many more years I have left and he said, 'You're too ornery to die.

Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.