Inside every fat person there's a thin person looking to get out - They've just eaten them.

My dad's a very sensitive man, but as the archetypal rebellious teenager, I didn't realise that.

I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person.

I went on the pill when I was 16, put on four stone... so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive.

Not many women will go out on a limb to make themselves really unattractive and unfeminine so you can get the laughs, but it's a great thing to do in my book.

I like to shock people.

I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind.