Check out the very best of Hollywood jokes that will make you laugh

If you want to see the girl next door, go next door.

Box-office poison? Mr. Louis B. Mayer always asserted that the studio had built Stage 22, Stage 24 and the Irving Thalberg Building, brick by brick, from the income on my pictures.

I never go outside unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star. If you want to see the girl next door, go next door.

Learn to breathe, learn to speak, but first... learn to feel.

If you throw a lamb chop in the oven, what's to keep it from getting done?

I absolutely will not allow anyone to call me grandmother. They can call me Auntie Joan, Dee-Dee, Cho-Cho, anything but grandmother. It pushes a woman almost to the grave.