I always remind people why The Oscars got started in 1928: It was an effort by the studios to suppress the unions. They started the Academy because all the screenwriters and directors and actors were unionizing, and they thought, "We'll have something that resembles a union, but that's completely controlled by the moneyed interests in Hollywood." That's what it's been all these years. It's something that reinforces Hollywood's image of itself. The Best Picture one year was Gandhi. Nobody watched Gandhi, but that's the kind of picture that always wins.

You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America.

If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it "romance and adventure."

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators.