There are 3 basic differences between we British and you Americans. One, we speak English, and you don't. Two, when we have a "World Championship", we invite teams from other nations. Three, when you meet the British head of State, you only have to get down on one knee.

English television from the Fifties to the Nineties was the least bad in the world, and now it's just as bad as it is anywhere.

There's nothing good on the television; let's burn a witch. It must have been terribly exciting to live in those times.

What have the Romans ever done for us?

The World is insane. With tiny spots of sanity, here and there... Not the other way around!

This is the most important joke I've ever heard. Niels Bohr, the founder of Quantum Physics, had a friend to dinner. As the friend left, he noticed a horseshoe nailed above Bohr's front door. He said to Bohr, accusingly, "Niels, you're a great scientist. You can't believe in superstitions." Bohr answered, "I don't, but apparently it works anyway."As with confirmation bias, we tend to lean toward superstitions that benefit us.

Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!