Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus.

The problem is that people love music and they love television, but people don't love music on TV.

I wasn't any good at sports, but I could name all the presidents by the time I was six. I've always been very interested in politics and in religion.

I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

I will kill the BackStreet Boys by beating them with the members of N-Sync.

America doesn't have an abortion problem - it has an unwanted pregnancy problem, and an abortion symptom.

Blaming Obama for Iraq violence is like blaming Daniel Craig because Octopussy sucked.