Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is used to cut diamonds.

Tiny Cooper is not the world's gayest person, and he is not the world's largest person, but I believe he may be the world's largest person who is really, really gay, and also the world's gayest person who is really, really large.

I know what happens a the end of falling-landing.

Truth defies simplicity.

I could stand up and go to her and kiss her. I could. But there is still too much to be ruined.

Don't lie to anyone, but particularly don't lie to millennials. They just know. They can smell it. Be yourself: if you're old, be old. If you don't know anything about pop culture, don't pretend to know anything about pop culture. When you credit teenagers with intelligence and emotional sophistication, they respond intelligently and with emotional sophistication.

"You are fairly smart," I said after a while. "You are fairly good at compliments," he answered.