I have guts, just not when it counts.

The pleasure isn't in doing the thing, the pleasure is in planning it.

See, popularity is complicated. You have to spend a lot of time thinking about liking; you have to really like being liked, and also sort like being disliked.

Funerals...are for the living.

Interesting capitalization,' I said. 'Yeah. I'm a big believer in random capitalization. The rules of capitalization are so unfair to words in the middle.

Dumpers may not always be the heartbreakers, and the Dumpees may not always be the heartbroken. But everyone has a tendency.

Right, except I'm not going to lie to my mom, because what kind of (man) lies to his own mother?