She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.

Do not worry too much about your lawn. You will soon find if you haven't already that almost every adult American devotes tremendous time and money to the maintenance of an invasive plant species called turf grass that we can't eat. I encourage you to choose better obsessions.

Breaking up isn't something that gets done to you; its something that happens with you.

Nerdfighter pwns woot. Everyone knows that.

pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!

But if you consider all the unlikely things together, at least one of them will probably happen to each of us.

It's a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing.