I call my mom from the car. I tell her that Neutral Milk Hotel is playing at the Hideout and she says, "Who? What? You're hiding out?" And then I hum a few bars of one of their songs and Mom says, "Oh, I know that song. It's on the mix you made me," and I say, "Right," and she says, "Well you have to be back by eleven," and I say, "Mom this is a historical event. History doesn't have a curfew," and she says, "Back by eleven," and I say, "Fine. Jesus," and then she has to go cut cancer out of someone.

The nature of impending fatherhood is that you are doing something that you're unqualified to do, and then you become qualified while doing it.

March 4th, the only day that is also a sentence

This is so much fun, but I’m so sleepy. To be continued?

That's why I like you. Do you realize how rare it is to come across a hot girl who creates a adjectival version of the word pedophile? You are so busy being you that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are.

As a child I was an inveterate liar. As opposed to now, I am a Novelist.

That was part of her, and you used to know it. It's like now you only care about the Alaska you made up.