She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth.

The only thing worse than having a party that no one attends is having a party attended only by two vastly, deeply uninteresting people.

Maybe all the strings inside him broke.

You say you're not special because the world doesn't know about you, but that's an insult to me. I know about you.

And since she drove to work every morning, I could only use the car on weekends. Well, weekends and the middle of the goddamned night.

I wouldn't have cared if my girlfriend was a Jaguar-driving Cyclops with a beard - I'd have been grateful just to have someone to make out with.

But my miracle was different. My miracle was this: out of all the houses in all the subdivisions in all of Florida, I ended up living next door to Margo Roth Spiegelman.