it was not enough to be the last guy she kissed. i wanted to be the last one she loved.

Congratulations! You're a woman. Now die.

Thank you for explaining that my eye cancer isn't going to make me deaf. I feel so fortunate that an intellectual giant like yourself would deign to operate on me.

There are always answers. We just have to be smart enough.

When it works, anticipation is far more fulfilling than surprise, because we are reminded that a sunrise is precisely as magnificent as it is inevitable.

She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.

I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar.