The only thing worse than having a party that no one attends is having a party attended only by two vastly, deeply uninteresting people.

I didn't know what to say to her - I was caught in a love triangle with one dead side.

The food was so good that with each passing course, our conversation devolved further into fragmented celebrations of its deliciousness: 'I want this dragon carrot risotto to become a person so I can take it to Las Vegas and marry it.

There comes a time when we realize that our parents cannot save themselves or save us, that everyone who wades through time eventually gets dragged out to sea by the undertow- that, in short, we are all going.

I pointed at the little kids goading each other to jump from rib cage to shoulder and Gus answered just loud enough for me to hear over the din, 'Last time, I imagined myself as the kid. This time, the skeleton.

You are going to live a good and long life filled with great and terrible moments that you cannot even imagine yet.

How will I ever get out of this labyrinth!" to a margin note written in her loop-heavy cursive: Straight & Fast.