The few people who ask to have their photographs with me, I almost always say yes, except for a few circumstances, like when my family is around.

Traffic counting was very boring and cold to sit out on the streets of New Haven in five pairs of pants - well, that's an exaggeration; it was three pairs of pants - in November for hours and hours clicking buttons counting which cars go left, right, and forward.

If you have not seen it, FOOTBALL is a game in which men shove one another back and forth for no reason. They do not choose how, when, or whom they shove. They are doing this in order to please one angry old man on the sidelines. This old man is called the 'coach' or 'yelling surrogate' dad who will never be happy.

What would I put in a museum? Probably a museum! That's an amusing relic of our past.

I am someone who values truth - actual truth as opposed to 'truthiness.'

As a live stand-up comedy performer, I have the benefit of choosing real entrance music.

I am not beautiful, so I don't know why I'm making myself ugly. But the mustache stays.