I don't jerk off because I'm horny. I'm sort of half-chick. It's like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It's like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.

I have male fans, but I'm persuading them to become female!

Friends, lovers, or nothing, we can really only ever be one.

Anybody who's made it will tell you, you can make it. Anyone who hasn't made it will tell you, you can't

Whenever they say it can’t be done, remind them that they make a jellybean that tastes exactly like popcorn.

I can't even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It's a nightmare.

I get recognized somewhere in between like local meteorologist and national meteorologist.