Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.

All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.

Writing about the indignities of old age: the daunting stairway to the restaurant restroom, the benefits of a wheelchair in airports and its disadvantages at cocktail parties, giving the user what he described as a child's-eye view of the party and a crotch-level view of the guests. Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The aging process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.

Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute.

I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.

Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.

Irritable Judges suffer from a bad case of premature adjudication.