Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake; all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.

We don't know much about the human conscience, except that it is soluble in alcohol.

Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute.

Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.

All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.

It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.

Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.