It's nice when you're nervous and everybody's like, "Yeah, you should be nervous." Because a lot of times you're anxious and people say, "Relax. Shut up." And that just feels like, Well, I guess I'm also crazy.

Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.

I'm a very straightforward person. But that's fine for a comedian. Because a lot of times you're talking about everyone else.

I have tons of jokes with moments in them over the years in stand-up that don't get a laugh but I love them so they stay.

I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.

With the first episode [of John Mulaney Show] I tell a story that happened to me accidentally chasing a woman down the subway.

I stopped drinking when I was 23. I kind of started when I was 13, so it was a 10-year run. But I just became a bad, annoying drunk child, so when I stopped, I'd done a lot of things I wasn't proud of.