I had a lot of fun writing things that died during dress rehearsal. Sometimes I remember the crazy ones that died even more fondly than the ones that did really well.

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

Maybe I just have high self-esteem, but I have a lot that I really enjoy.

You all have a relative who is an expert even though they really don't know what they're talking about.

All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it.

It was funny to be an emcee, because you're so at the mercy of the club. You can show up for the weekend hoping to get the $400 - and get fired. I had to prank whoever they told me to prank.

On Friday night, it was fun [to know] that if you bombed, or whatever was going on, that you'd be on TV at 11. It was a cool feeling, and you'd get a couple hundred dollars.