My daughter was asked by a little old lady in a London hotel restaurant what her daddy did. She answered, “He’s a pirate” - I was very proud of that answer.

This dress code should be mandatory for most events.

That pipe, just so happens to lead to the room where I make the most delicious flavored chocolate covered fudge." Then he will be made into strawberry flavoered chocolate covered fudge, they'll be selling him by the pound, all over the world!" No, I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus flavored chocolate covered gloop? Ew. No one would buy it.

If you catch me saying 'I am a serious actor,' I beg you to slap me.

If you had to chose one half of your son, which one would it be?" What kind of a question is that?!" No need to snap. It was just a question.

I am an American. I love my country and have great hopes for it. It is for this reason that I speak candidly and sometimes critically about it. I have benefited greatly from the freedom that exists in my country and for this I am eternally grateful.

It's all kinds of these profound things crashing on you when your child arrives into the world. It's like you've met your reason to live.