Why do fools fall in love? I'll tell you why, because everybody else has simply got too much else to do.

I don’t need someone to complete me, I need someone to make things a little bit better every now and again.

I don't really talk to people.

I have a lot of internalised tantrums. I secretly hope the worst and then I start planning my little speech for the beginning of it. Showers are the worst - all the time in the shower I'm planning the next time I'm going to lose it at someone, and then I never actually do. You're almost let down when people are nice.

My favourite pub game is, of course, snooker. Any game whose rules basically amount to finding a table covered in mess and slowly and methodically putting it all away out of sight is one with which I can empathise emphatically.

I love paying tax so much, the sight of a gritter lorry gives me an erection.

I don't mean to hate people, I just get forced into it.