I don’t need someone to complete me, I need someone to make things a little bit better every now and again.

Why do fools fall in love? I'll tell you why, because everybody else has simply got too much else to do.

The last time I went back to a girl's house for an impromptu house party I spent most of the night straightening out rugs, putting down coasters and alphabetising DVDs while all around me people got off with whoever was closest and gradually headed off to various rooms to make more mess, no doubt.

I don't mean to hate people, I just get forced into it.

I love paying tax so much, the sight of a gritter lorry gives me an erection.

I refuse to believe that clubbing is how people are supposed to meet to establish relationships on a level for beyond what we consider to be a norm in modern society.

I know very well that I have no reason to feel aggrieved - I am fully aware of how lucky I am, but knowing it and still being down makes me hate myself all the more.