When you are actually powerful, you don't need to be petty.

Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.

With the situation in Iraq growing ever more dangerous, the 34-member Coalition of The Willing are, one by one, dropping out to join the other coalition known as Most of The Rest of The World.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

[John McCain] didn't believe me. I think anybody who's been in a POW camp for five years can - take eight minutes on The Daily Show.

Isn't that what you really want in a jean? The ability to kick people in the face in them? I don't wanna have to go home and change into shorts.