Technology. It's like science, only useless.

I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.

On a more personal note we in this country we have a very tragic situation occur at one of our universities and, it really has taken the country aback and there's a real grieving process that we're going through, And going through it mourning and learning about the victims and-learning about it and showing our support, you know, I hesitate to say, how does your country handle what is that type of carnage on a daily basis?

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth.

A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only open nagging questions: what kind of freak has 1,000 pages of medical records?