Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.

Comedy is the only form of entertainment where the audience doesn't know what to expect. In an evening, you might get ten comics doing ten different things. That's not what happens when you go to hear music. There isn't a classical performance followed by a hoedown followed by rap.

Isn't it amazing what scientists can accomplish when no one makes them stop?

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.

Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.

That is the American experiment. An ethnic group arriving on America's shores, to be reviled and hazed, living in squalor, or if they are lucky Squalor Heights, working hard to give their children or grandchildren the opportunity to sh*t on the next group landing on our shores.