Really, an historic night last night. You may have heard, Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States of America. ... Obama is also the first Democrat to receive more than 50 percent of the vote since Jimmy Carter, the first senator to be elected since Jack Kennedy, the first Muslim to be ... I said too much.

I always get that cautionary warning right before I get off the phone with an interviewer. It's: 'Good luck with the show. I really like it, and if this goes wrong, you'll be hearing from my attorneys.

We're Jews. When you look at our pubic hair, it should look like Ewoks should be in there.

Apparently the only thing worse than a terrorist attack, is a gay man stopping it!

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss voter fraud.

I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them.

It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs.