They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite.' And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right. What's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?

Child: Why on this night do we eat Hot Fudge Sundaes? Adult: To remind us that being Jewish is like having your birthday every day!! Plus they're delicious!

Remember that guy who got gored by a bull and the bull pulled his underwear off and he had to run around the ring naked? If that footage comes out, I'll run that.

Democrats - always standing up for what they later realize they should have believed in.

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.

A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

If you smell something, say something.