Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.

The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.

I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.

I'm not a very serious Jew. I don't wear the protective religious headgear. They only wear that because 40% of all religious thoughts escape through the head.

Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.

I like a lot of wheels. If I could have eight wheels, I would.