Finally the kitchen clock said 5:17. It was time to roll out. I shouted for my mom, woke Jeffrey up, ran upstairs, changed into my concert clothes, put on my shoes, and was standing by the door to the garage by 5:19โchanting โLetโs go! Come on!โ (Feel free to try that at home, by the way; moms love it!)
Jordan SonnenblickIt's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion".
Jordan SonnenblickIโll probably just stand in a corner, trying not to be noticed, until the decoration committee accidentally packs me into a box at the end of the night. There I will lie, crammed in between rolls of crepe paper, until the New Yearโs dance two months from now. Jeffrey thought about this for a moment and said, Wonโt they notice the box is too heavy when they go to put it away?
Jordan SonnenblickYou are a wonderful son, and a wonderful man. Yet another parent busting forth with the โmanโ thing! Iโd have to check my chest for signs of hair when I got home.
Jordan SonnenblickYou can be our critic. Would you dig that? (Yes, he was the last Man in America who could say โdigโ with a straight face without referring to the process of using a tool to remove dirt from the ground.)
Jordan SonnenblickBut nobody ever tells you in advance when you should concentrate on the good times-that's why you're supposed to do it every day.
Jordan SonnenblickMe: Well, you see, I, uh, I'm a cancer survivor. Person #1: And how's that working out for you? Me: Well, you see, I, uh, used to have leukemia. Person #2: Dude, how come you're not, like, BALD? Me: Well, you see, I, uh, I had acute lymphocytic lymphoma when I was five. Person #3: Whoa. THAT must'a sucked. I once had my tonsils out.
Jordan Sonnenblick