One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.

Man isn't a fool for his ignorance, but rather for believing things that are wrong.

When you do laugh, open your mouth wide enough for the noise to get out without squealing, throw your head back as though you were going to be shaved, hold on to your false hair with both hands and then laugh till your soul gets thoroughly rested.

When a man makes up his mind to become a rascal, he should examine himself closely and see if he isn't better constructed for a fool.

Marrying a woman for her money is very much like setting a rat-trap, and baiting it with your own finger.

I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.

The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.