There are very few good judges of humor, and they don't agree.

I called my cat William because no shorter name fits the dignity of his character. Poor old man, he has fits now, so I call him Fitz-William.

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

Habits are like the wrinkles on a man's brow; if you will smooth out the one, I will smooth out the other.

Remember the poor, it costs nothing.

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

I've never known an auctioneer to lie unless it was absolutely necessary.