My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.

I never knew a man troubled with melancholy, who had plenty to do, and did it.

Pride seems tew be quite equally distributed; the man who owns the carriage and the man who drives it seem tew have it just alike.

One legged chickens, I know, are the least apt to scratch a garden.

Seneca devoted much of his time to writing essays in praise of poverty, and in lending money at usurious rates.

I hold that a man has as much right to spell a word as it is pronounced as he has to pronounce it the way it ain't spelled.