I hold that a man has as much right to spell a word as it is pronounced as he has to pronounce it the way it ain't spelled.

Ignorance is the wet-nurse of prejudice.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

The dog that will follow everbody ain't worth a curse.

The hardest thing any man can do is to fall down on the ice when it's slippery, and get up and praise the Lord.

When you do laugh, open your mouth wide enough for the noise to get out without squealing, throw your head back as though you were going to be shaved, hold on to your false hair with both hands and then laugh till your soul gets thoroughly rested.

Adam invented love at first sight, one of the greatest labor-saving machines the world ever saw.