Just because someone's dead doesn't mean it's over. My grandfather died more than 25 years ago, but I still think of him a lot and smell his smell.

I, as you may know, am no stranger to the organic courgette, but I still cannot work out who these gay footballers are.

My dresser and I have the hots for the new rugby ace Danny Cipriani. We have a shrine in my dressing room - press photos of him on the field looking swarthy and fit, and snaps of our boy emerging from Mayfair nightclubs, looking sexy and dishevelled.

It was all about wanting to get revenge. Pathetic, really, but it still is the motivation.

The whole business of getting famous was good fun, but it was a long time ago.

I'm not sure how aware of the rest of the world I am. I live a rather sheltered existence

I get just as much of a thrill out of constructing a good sentence that gets a laugh at the end as I do from a joke