The good thing about getting older is that, as you become less attractive, so you have less desire to go out and conquer everyone you see

I thought a dignified thing to do would be to live in the country by the time I'm 50 and write books

However light-hearted you try to be about it, the loss of youth, and everything that goes with it, is quite a trauma.

Just because someone's dead doesn't mean it's over. My grandfather died more than 25 years ago, but I still think of him a lot and smell his smell.

I'm not sure how aware of the rest of the world I am. I live a rather sheltered existence

Rodents can come across as being quite vacant in the personality stakes

My dresser and I have the hots for the new rugby ace Danny Cipriani. We have a shrine in my dressing room - press photos of him on the field looking swarthy and fit, and snaps of our boy emerging from Mayfair nightclubs, looking sexy and dishevelled.