What will I become? Because I won't be me any longer. That will be a relief. I dont want to be the helpless person I've always been.

I have no intent. I have no reason to live, that's all. When I'm gone, I don't want to be remembered.

I won't be alive so I won't care who finds me.

I throw him two bones: a smile and a nod. Both lies.

I hated him. I hated them all. They made me hate myself even more than I already did.

I just want the pain to end.

What was I afraid of, exactly? What other people would think? I guess, a little. But that wasn't what was stopping me from acting on my feelings. It was the intensity of them. The desire for her. I knew if I gave into it, I'd have to surrender myself completely. I'd lose all control. Everything I knew, everything I was, the walls I'd built up to protect myself all these years would come crashing down. I might get lost in the rubble. Yet, she made me feel alive in a way I'd only ever imagined I could feel. Bells, whistles, music.