How many times can you say, "No yanking on one another's genitals?" Everything is hilarious until someone starts crying.

I've had a little bad, bad media luck the new year. Well, apparently I'm dating Bill Clinton, which makes me nervous. I didn't know, though.

I have this fancy Givenchy bag. I don't know what the Kardashians have in their bags - I bet they have really expensive products or six cellphones or something. I have a cellphone and some lipstick for me, and the rest is just filled with stuff for the kids - sunscreen and lip balm and little Ziploc bags of pretzels and cheese sticks.

I'm most certainly not the Beatles.

I suffer the terrible disease of low self-esteem.

I do find it odd people choose to do stuff that makes them look like crazy Hollywood faces, but I've got zero judgment.

I read some article where Reese Witherspoon said, "If you're not yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them." It made me feel so much better.