Kids think the world is about them, so if you forgot to put the right flavor yogurt in their lunch, and they have too much homework when they come home, they're like, "You know I hate peach!" There's a part of me that's like, "I'm so sorry. I could have shown my love more."

Baltimore is a great place.

I suffer the terrible disease of low self-esteem.

How many times can you say, "No yanking on one another's genitals?" Everything is hilarious until someone starts crying.

At restaurants, I carry paper and markers and tell everyone to draw a picture with a unicorn, an octopus and an explosion. That keeps kids still for a minute.

I tell my kids, "Look, your life is a video game, and I have to get you from level zero to 18 as an independent person with all your skills and limbs intact. Every time you hit your brother or throw food, you're taking us all back."

I live alone with my one dog and they say it like it's a sad, it's a terrible thing. This woman lives alone with her two cats.